Bite Your Tongue
by great gospel
Summary: "Did you know that your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, or else it will digest itself!" If this was his way of telling her that her kissing made him want to puke, Rukia was not amused. — prompt: things you said after you kissed me


**Word Count** : 1,102

 **Characters/Pairings** : Rukia, Ichigo; IchiRuki

 **Timeline/Spoilers** : none and none

 **Summary** : "Did you know that your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, or else it will digest itself?!" If this was his way of telling her that her kissing made him want to puke, Rukia was not amused. ; prompt: things you said after you kissed me

 **Notes** : Prompt fill for ruukiia on tumblr! I apologize in advance for my sense of humour.

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"Did you know that Thomas Jefferson and john Adams both died on July 4th, 1826, within five hours of each other, on the 50th anniversary of the signing of the U.S. Declaration of independence?!"

Rukia had to stifle her laughter and keep the ridiculous grin from erupting across her face in favour of nodding along enthusiastically and feigning fascinating as he went on to explain the further intricacies of Jefferson's and Adam's relationship. A strange habit of Ichigo's that she had discovered was that he would blurt out random facts after they kissed, particularly when things tended to get hot and heavy between them.

For all his spiritual maturity and world saving prowess, he really was just a teenage boy at heart, who obviously had nil experience with teenage girls (or with girls ten times his age, who were also technically dead, but same difference). In the afterglow of their little intimate moments, he immediately grew flustered and tinged red (yes, like a strawberry), and started spouting out his useless facts. It seemed that the notion of anything within the realm of romance baffled and unnerved him.

The first time it happened caught them both off guard. One minute, he had his fingers combing through her tresses and eyes shut tight as her mouth lips started inching down his neck, and the next, he was grabbing her roughly by the shoulders and pushing her away, whilst screaming, "Did you know that your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, or else it will digest itself?!" with his voice traversing several octaves.

Rukia was aghast. Was this his way of telling her that her kissing was so terrible that it made him want to puke? Why didn't he say anything the first time they started down this new turn in their relationship? Overrun with questions, but before she could voice any of them, Ichigo fled from the room.

A couple days of awkward avoidances later, Rukia finally gathered enough courage to breach the topic. Of course her hollow pager had to go off right then. Both raced off in shinigami form. Rukia ended up taking out her pent up stress and rage on the creature, finishing it off most swiftly and gracefully. Ichigo sat in wonderment, never failing to be impressed by her skill and technique, even after so many battles spent side by side. As she turned around and marched back towards him, ready to thrust a finger in his chest and demand some answers, the idiot had to go and grab her, enveloping her in a warm hug and tender kiss. While she was covered in hollow guts.

They never did end up having that conversation. Rukia decided it was no longer necessary, since he had certainly proven that the thought of kissing her didn't in fact disgust him, even when covered in blood and carnage. And his lips were more than enough to distract her from her original purpose.

But then it happened a second time.

"Did you know that the plastic thing at the end of a shoelace is called an aglet?!"

And a third.

"Did you know that butterflies sense taste through their hind feet?!"

And soon Rukia began to pick up on a pattern. The original occurrence of the incidence had been during their first time going beyond a regular kiss. She had been headed down his neck and lord knows where else if he hadn't stopped her. Their earlier romantic encounters had been quite tame in comparison, with Ichigo being quite the novice in this department.

The more heated things got, the more likely he was to self-sabotage. Rukia began to play along after a while, letting him tell her all about why polar bears have white fur and how many years the average person spends on the phone in a lifetime. She wasn't spurned over his seeming rebuffs, and rather understood that it was his strange way of coping with his foreign emotions and the change in their relationship. And it was something so uniquely Ichigo only further endeared him to her. Besides, he would talk to her when he was ready or work it out himself.

Another secret Rukia harbored about Ichigo was his unbridled passion regarding certain subject matters. Though he had spent years building up this image of a disinterested, apathetic, cool guy, she knew his true self behind the act.

He could quote perfectly every line Al Pacino ever muttered on film and could spend hours arguing in favor of the true genius of Shakespeare. Though he tried to play it off with his aloof facade, the truth was that when Ichigo cared about something, it ran deep. (And also that he was kind of a nerd.)

And Rukia just so happened to be at the top of the list of Things Kurosaki Ichigo Cares About (alongside his family, of course.) And passion was just barely scratching the surface. Inexperienced though he was, the man was an excellent lover. (Not in the archaic sense of the word. If he couldn't keep from getting red-faced and flustered after every kiss, they certainly weren't ready to be physically intimate. She has to choke back laughter at the idea of him blurting out, "Did you know that for the average man, if he never shaved, his beard would reach a length of over 27 feet?!" in the middle of sex. ...Not that she's thinking about sex with Ichigo.) Whenever they were having a moment, he would completely focus on her, shutting out the rest of the world. His gaze, the physical embodiment of his every emotion towards her was enough to quicken her heart palpitations threefold. The caress of his hands on her cheeks was angel soft, and his arms locked around her waist left no bodily apace between them. There was almost no room to breathe, but that typically wasn't her main priority in these situations. The boy wasn't talented with words, but let's just say that it didn't mean he was unskilled with using his mouth.

She often wondered if he had this stockpile of facts already compiled in his mind or if he reverently studied them just so he could haphazardly yell them in her face during/after a makeout session. It was truly an intriguing (and amusing) phenomenon, and Rukia deemed further research necessary in order to reach a more solid conclusion. And she had no qualms about being just the scientist for the job.

Still, she looked forward to the day when her tongue in his mouth ceased to bring dead U.S. presidents to mind.

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 **A/N** : I'm really enjoying this "things you said…" prompt fills. The other one I did was another ichiruki, "things you said that I wish you hadn't" (*cough* you should read it *cough*). I hope you guys liked it. Please review to let me know what you thought. :)


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